Time feels like fire in the veins, afternoon shade screams “Not again”
Beyond this city that bleeds other kind of memories cries “Not here”
and all those smiles, and tears that woke me from the slumber writes “Never again”
But deep inside I know, that the best of me will remain somehow
someway in the hope and wonder of knowing I was there…
There, when with the legs shaking and full of confusion
I was standing among strangers now beloved and missed
There when Munkhy taught with pride about the flag of that faraway land of horses and friendly mongolians always lending a hand and a glass of kghengis while I was hurt.
Or watching him running at sunrise while Yongmun was soon to take one of his daily showers
in our horrific bathrooms, later to be covered in colors during Holi.
Yes I know, I won’t take to my grave Yongmun’s long sleeping speeches and his trust
his smile and Popi-Pop dance, or the amusement on his daily class afternoon nap.
And I cannot take it with me Justina’s peaceful smile, kind talk, beautiful hair, everlasting sight.
Francisca’s laugh, Alexandra’s pinch in my arms…
Not to the grave, but maybe beyond,
deep inside will always remain in the stories I’ll tell to my children someday to come.
Tomorrow I’ll leak and fall, tomorrow into the shadows perform one last dance
Whirling around in black, dreaming about Anna’s eyes and the sweetness of her smile.
Hair, curtain of gold in her face, lit of my days,
not anymore, just for those days.
I’ll play the deserter just for this time,
for maybe tomorrow I’ll fit in her world.
But, who knows what’s in our path?
If during a sunset walk again with Abuzar, I´ll shake his true hand
Hear trusty words in his eyes, where the language barrier meant nothing
as we walked in silence through the noisy kandari choraha… (still can’t pronounce it that well)
Now the crossroad of life vanish those trails, that we made them our present.
Forever suicidal pigeons! Forever flying closet rats!
They are everywhere holding my breath during solitaire nights
Forever delayed trains! Forever harassing calls, SMS!
Waving goodbye they will desert me as I did to all those I loved
“But thy eternal summer shall not fade”… Say, he loved.
Bring on the night, bring on the sorrow, cause I miss you so much.
All dear names that have named me, completed me
Mine, but of the world is Jun “hein”. Mine, but of the time is Robert “hein”
Not now is our time to sit in the balcony, drink a beer, having a smoke.
Not here is the place were in shadows I sneak through the forbidden gate.
Not now. Maybe again when the lights are gone… In Sansthan its usual…
Taste me but don’t forget we will pass
We will surely pass, and you and me will pass
And even time will pass in the Great Hour…
And these lines will fade,
and the little longers you will long will bite
Dragging those memories I will fade toward the unknown and you, and you too.
But now I know how Galena walks, Undrakh laughs, Clementina protests.
Koshuu’s passion for dance, and tender heart always close.
I know now how Wittawat flies although he stays…
And somehow submerged in his cosmos there is a part of me now and forever.
There is a part of all in me, healing my soul, watering my dreams.
Keep the chin up say, he loved.
Run toward your dreams, cause they are here
I been surrounded by them in dust, rain and heat.
Friends and lovers whispering all the astonishment hidden in life
And now I can say: “Hark the angels come”
All these have been my loves…
The bangs and beeps filling the air
while my eyes crashed in to the beauty of her smile.
The cold wind blowing my fears during December
while surrounded in circle at the roof of our building
I watched the Shin cooking, Wittawat yelling.
The gathering outside a temple playing guess the sentence
and my eyes completely open trying to capture the moment that surely passed.
Kaja’s tender eyes, poetic soul so familiar, so alive.
Pramod kind way of teaching, Bharat Singh’s confused mind
invading my patience but not my heart… (sometimes)
Parties at the fountain that felted like slavery liberation
and Wechie, Kevy and Yanger among others open heart.
Building jumping monkeys, fast to bite in Itimad-Ud-Daulah.
Romano inner struggle… And me thinking
“But you are a man of god my friend!”
Robert’s laughs and young spirit always refreshing my days.
Khalid warm heart, child heart, open like cathedral doors.
Don’t change, don’t change in me. Let them be forever here.
Rosie’s clear speech, Filip’s sense of humor. Kanokkan… Jun… Alisha…
Every second in my life I know I’m going to miss you guys
It doesn’t matter how blissful would turn my life to be.
Every step I’ll take toward my dreams would be part of your dreams too
cause there’s a part of Raluca running in my words now
and I have also Alexandra’s conversations and touch tattooed near my heart
All of you have filled my days with the splendor of love praise
The pain, the calm, and the astonishment
deeply turning tides of emotions so hard to keep…
There are some places, some people, just waiting to cross your heart.
There are hidden smiles beyond the superficial routine.
There is hope all everywhere, some rain under the stones.
Sometimes the stars are just waiting to gleam when you face up the sky,
Sometimes the nations vanish their frontiers to become a shake of hands
And bring the future minutes more.
So many names… I cannot say more, so many dear names, dear loves…
Forever Kingfisher at Kohinoor!
Not a good beer, but an excellent excuse to meet my good friends
Forever light’s out at our “hostel”!
Terrible at skyping but wonderful for sneaking lovers
Forever Hindi Sansthan!
Not a hit for learning hindi
But the best for finding lifelong friends…
Lifelong memories, lifelong dreams!
Anywhere in time there was India and you…
“….—Oh, never a doubt but, somewhere, I shall wake,
And give what’s left of love again, and make
New friends, now strangers….
But the best I’ve known, Stays here, and changes, breaks, grows old, is blown
About the winds of the world, and fades from brains
Of living men, and dies.
O dear my loves, O faithless, once again
This one last gift I give: that after men
Shall know, and later lovers, far-removed
Praise you, “All these were lovely”; say, “He loved.”
Rupert Brooke “The Great Lover”